Firsts - Part Five

It's fall...
I have what I like to call the "season" trees across the street. Three big trees in a row that tell you in an instant what season it is. Right now, they are a beautiful yellow with about 2/3rds of the leaves left on the tree. The grass has become a mixture of green and yellow, and as each day passes, the green will be hard to find. I love those trees. I would be sick if my neighbor should find a need to cut them down. I love the snow laden branches and the bright green buds as well. I love watching them change out my living room window.
To Every Time There Is a Season...Under Heaven...

Monday, Dec 11 - Gordon finally had his fifth and final surgery. It lasted about 5 hours. They were finally able to reconnect his bile duct and close him, at least most of the way. They closed the inside layer of skin (the facia..sp??), but left the outside layer still open. They will pull the skin tighter together after the swelling goes down a little more. When Dr. V came out of this surgery, he met with the family and said, "we made some progress today". That was so good to hear. I just knew that finally we would be able to see progress and he would come home.
They also decided to stop all sedation, and let him wake up,which was exciting as well. It had been 13 days since I had spoken with him...the longest time in 35 years. I missed him. The meds that they had him on to sedate him store in the fat cells, so since Gord was a big guy, they told me it could take awhile, but I didn't imagine it would take as long as it did. Judy B asked the nurses if they were aware they were waking the "sleeping giant"! All in all, it was a good positive day!

Tuesday, Dec 12 - No real change today. I went to work. My company Christmas Party is tonight, but I'm not sure how you party when you Sweetie is so seriously ill. I didn't go. When I left the hospital, I talked Judy S into El Matador...that was party enough for me.

Wednesday, Dec 13 -Still no change. When I got home from the hospital that evening, I noticed it was cold in the house. The heater had shut off. I was thinking about what should I do, who should I call...berating myself for not learning more about mechanical things...when the Bishop called. He asked how things were and so I told him. Not long after we hung up, he and his cute wife Diane showed up at my doorstep, flashlight in hand, ready to fix the furnace. About the time he was giving up, not knowing what was wrong, the furnace just turned on again... I was so grateful to be warm. That experience helped me remember that I do have blessings, in spite of the trials.

Thursday, Dec 14 - Impatience was setting in. The change in him was very slight...I thought he'd never wake up. I went into work for awhile, but I was feeling pretty low. Tears were flowing very easily. When I went to the hospital later that afternoon, his nurse, Silvio, told me that it could be months before Gord ever came home. No one had told me that. It made me angry. I thought that he must not know what he was talking about...turns out he was probably being brutally honest, where the others watched their words a little more carefully. Thank goodness for Judy S...when I would come home and need a deviation, she was always willing to oblige! We went Christmas shopping about 8 p.m. It helped take my mind off things a little.

Friday, Dec 15 -I always called the hospital when I would wake up in the morning...to check on how his night went. This morning I called and heard yet again "not much change". He was waking a little, moving around some, but still no response to commands. I think I was mentally and physically exhausted. I just wanted to stay in my bed and let the world pass by. I had my very own pity party that day...only I was invited...no one else was welcome because I didn't want to talk about it or think about it...at least for a few hours. I went over to Toy R Us to finish up the kids Christmas presents and came back home. I didn't even go up to the hospital. I felt guilty, but realized I needed the break. Sorry honey, but when I can't get you to talk to me, it's no fun! The room is lonely, the house is lonely... I just miss him so much

Saturday, Dec 16 - Judy S and I went and got our nails done this morning and then went to Dees and had breakfast. It was a nice morning and I appreciated her taking me. I came home, got ready to go to the hospital and stopped at the Craigs to give them an update. I brought them a couple of bags of Chewy's popcorn. He had made a bunch right before he got sick. While I was in their home they told me that they had been called as Mission Presidents in Arizona and would be leaving in July for 3 years. I was so devastated and sad to think of them leaving. I had really began to rely on their friendship and love, but I had to remember that of course the Lord would want them out in the field. They are truly remarkable, humble, genuine people. Not much changed in Gordon today He's moving his head and arms more, but still no response to commands. I stayed with him until 5:00 and then we went to dinner with our FHE group. We went to Market Street. I was going to treat for at least half, but Roger outbid me!!! He picked up everyones tab. Everyone that was there missed Gord. I went home after, watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and went to bed.

Sunday - Dec 17, Well, it's been 20 days since I told Gord that this was the First day of the rest of our lives. I came to the hospital about 12:30 - the nurse said he had been a little more responsive this morning, but I've been here for at least 30 minutes now and he's sleepng like a baby! It's snowing today and it's quiet at the hospital. Vanessa is the nurse. I really like her. He does seem to be moving around a little more, but still no major change. I decided to go home a little sooner due to the snow. I didn't want to drive in it after dark. I went to Gord, stroked his arm and gave him a little kiss on his forehead. I told him I loved him and he mouthed the words "I love you" back. Funny what a little "love" can do! It was his first words in 20 days. It pumped me right back up and I was ready to go for another week....

I haven't mentioned people in this blog as much. Some days I didn't write down who came, but I'll try not to miss anyone. Please don't be offended if I do. I love absolutely everyone who made the effort to come and in no way would mean to leave anyone out. By this time I know his Mom had come and we talked many times a week. I do remember I spent many hours on the phone answering calls from friends and family who weren't close enough to visit. I liked being home when I wasn't with Gord because I felt his presence there, and... I could sit on my couch in the living room and watch the "season" trees change to winter..............

To every time, there is a season under heaven....