Firsts - Part Nine

THE SEASON TREE

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I was lucky enough to share it with my 2nd favorite guy!

Gage and Emalee came to spend the night and we had fun ding dong ditching the neighbors!! He's such a sweetheart and loves his Aunt Sally "big whole much"! It snowed all day.

Holidays are still bittersweet. I suppose they will be for many years to come. I'll tell you about a special Valentine's Day spent with Gordon 2 years ago, but first I need to go back where I left off...

December 27-31st, 2006

Because of Gordon's still critical condition, they had CNA's come in and sit in his room 24/7. I was so glad for that because He was still so sick and I was worried that something would happen and no one would be there with him. I wasn't sure if it was a perfect solution, however, the day I walked in and found the sitter asleep! It had to have been the most boring job ever, but still very important....and I wasn't very happy. I hated having him "on the floor" while he was still so sick.

One day while I was there the physical therapist came in and was working with his speech, etc. when they accidentally pulled on his feeding tube, pulling it far enough out that it was not in the correct place, which meant he would have to have the feeding tube replaced again. I was so angry because it is an extremely uncomfortable procedure, as if he hadn't gone through enough. It was right before they came in to do it that one of the nurses informed me that they were going to have to stitch it to his nose "because he kept pulling it out". She explained to me that it could be painful and was not an easy procedure to go through. Then, I became mother bear...and was livid. He HATED the feeding tube in the first place and to have to go through this was inexcusable. I told them to hold off, I wanted to talk to the Dr. I pretty much ranted and raved to Dr. Belnap that Gordon did NOT pull out his tube, that it was done in physical therapy...and I refused to have them stitch the tube in. He complied with my wishes. I couldn't stand to see him go through that, along with the finger pokes every hour, the shots, the diapers, the physical therapy. I didn't think I would survive that week before 2007, but I did!

On Sat, the 30th, Gordon's cousin Suzi came up to Salt Lake from Orem and went to lunch with me and visited as best she could with Gordon. She is a sweet lady and I enjoyed our time together. On the 31st, I went to church and then had a visit with Bishop Larsen. He was encouraging me to let the Ward help me financially if I needed it. He didn't wait for me to go to them...he was outwardly offering whatever I needed. He is a wonderful Bishop. I went on to the hospital and stayed for a few hours. Val and Jaim came by and spent some time on their New Year's Eve....good friends. I love them. I was going to stay and bring the new year in with Gord, but he was out, it was 9:30, and I was tired. I went home and went to bed........another week over.

January 1st, 2007

I went to breakfast with Judy and the kids to Village Inn and then went to the hospital.

January 2nd, 2007

Well, today turned out to be quite a day!

I went to the hospital early and stayed a little while, but then left for work. Before I left the nurse came in to put a new pic line in his arm. They had taken the old one out to rest the arm and make sure there was no bacteria. I watched this procedure (not sure why!). It was really quite a process - not a very pleasant one. Dr V had said that he was going to take him down to surgery that day and tighten up his mesh again...a simple procedure, but needed to be done in the surgical room. No one seemed to know what time, so I felt like I should go to work for awhile. I wasn't worried about and felt ok about leaving.

I got a call from Dr. V on my cell phone at about 4:30 in the afternoon. He told me that there had been an "event" during the procedure. Gord had gone into V-Tach (sp??), meaning he had no blood pressure when they started the procedure. They had to do CPR on him for 22 minutes, using the shocking paddles 6-7 times. When they finally got him back his heart rate, rhythm, blood pressure were all perfectly normal! They had to put the breathing tube in again and he went back to ICU. He was doing good by the time Dr V called. I can't describe what my thoughts were as I raced out the door to the parking lot to get back to the hospital. CPR....this was just surgery I kept telling myself....why was everything going wrong???? And...shocking paddles were only in the movies and on TV!!!

When I got there they talked to me about doing an angiogram to see if there was a clogged artery. Bob got there within 30 minutes of when I did and Judy and Dad were close behind. He kept shaking his head at Bob and me...telling us he didn't want the test. He was so frightened and Bob and I had to tell him that we weren't stopping them. That was the worst part of the whole day...knowing we weren't doing what he wanted us to do. The test was clear, no blockage. They talked about defibrillators, but it was finally decided that it was just a nervous reaction...knowing he was going back down to surgery, but not really understanding why. He had been there, done that and wanted nothing more to do with it...and I can't blame him.

I called Judy S and told her what was going on. I asked her to call Bob Craig and inform him of the situation, but tell him that everything was stable and all was well...not need for him to come up. About the same time, Bishop Larsen called. I told him what had happened and he and Roger Beattie came up. We asked for permission for everyone to go in his room at the same time so we could give him a blessing. Visits were restricted and it was after 7:00...shift change. They did give us permission. Just as the Bishop was getting ready to start the blessing, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Bob and Shirley.I wasn't surprised. The room was full of love and support. The Bishop said in his blessing that it was up to him now...to decide whether to go or whether to stay. They gave me a blessing of strength and peace. Dad participated in both blessings, which was very special for me. We all left his room and visited a bit in the waiting room. I went back in at about 8:45 and they had given him a sonogram to check for clots. Go figure...he had a clot in his left leg. We finally all left to go home around 9:30. Judy S had chicken and dumplings for me. The nurses promised they would call if he got restless. It had been a very long day........

January 3, 2007

The part of Wednesday, January 3rd that was eventful was the fact that he had slept most of the day away...who could blame him? He had several visitors, Tyler, Bob & Blake, Frank Long, and he slept through them all... but that evening he and I were able to have an actual conversation. It wasn't long, but he understood me and I understood him and it was the first conversation with my husband in 5 weeks. Some may say (mostly husbands) that wouldn't be so bad...but trust me, it is! I gave him a bad time about sleeping so much and he told me that it was easy to sleep with his comforter close by. Silly me, I'm thinking he's having a spiritual experience, when in fact, he was talking about me! It made the hours of sitting a lot easier knowing how much it meant to him. After 35 years of marriage you would think you would have felt any emotion possible, but I couldn't have loved him more than I did right then! He hadn't remembered anything about the CPR incident, which I'm sure is a good thing.

January 4th, 2007

They are going to move him back to the floor again. I hate it. I feel so much more comfortable and safe with him in ICU. He's just waiting for a bed. He looks great today! I thought maybe this was the beginning of his recovery!

January 7th, 2007

I woke up around 8:00 and puttered for a bit. I put on a roast. I had really been wanting a roast beef sandwich (homemade)! I went to the hospital about 10:30. I was ready to go to church and when I walked in, he was sitting in a chair! It seemed so strange to see him sitting up. He was done, however, and they quickly got him back into bed. The nurse, Debbie, was hanging some of his medication when she stopped and looked at me and said "I just had the impression that you have been praying for the nurses - have you?" I was shocked because I actually had been. I wanted them to be aware of Gordon and his problems. I told her yes, I had been praying for them. She said that she felt it very strong. What a testimony of my prayers was that to me.

I left at 12:40 and went directly to Sacrament meeting. The opening prayer was given by Gean Giles. She is such a sweet lady. her prayer was so sincere as if she were right there speaking directly to the Lord. She said there was one of our dear men that was very ill. She said she knew that miracles happen and if he had one to spare could he please use it for Gordon. It was so tender, I don't think I'll ever forget it. I also bore my testimony about how wise our Heavenly Father was to set up ward families and home teachers. I tried to pay tribute to Bob Craig without embarrassing him, but he's not one for the limelight. I felt the spirit so strong today.

I went home and grabbed a sandwich and went back to the hospital. Gordon's Mom was there when I got there with her friend Wendy. Judy and Allen came up and Don and Marilyn stopped in as well. Kent Brierley came by later in the evening. It was a good day!!

January 8, 2007

I went straight to work today and went to the hospital at lunchtime. When I got there he was sitting in his chair again, but this time he looked pale and sick. His heart rate got up to 167. They were hurrying to get him back into bed. As soon as they did his heart rate dropped. They had left him there too long. I stayed longer than I had planned because it worried me. They've got to be more careful........... He had a lot of visitors that day. It was a tiring day, but good visits.

January 9, 2007

No real medical events today, but Bob Craig came to visit. He got very emotional while we were visiting. He told Gord that perhaps his calling here is to help his family receive a testimony. His illness has affected a lot of people...for good. He also told us that he was working on finding a representative to help Gordon with the "agent orange" questions. He is so good to us.

January 12, 2007

When I got to the hospital this morning Gord wasn't feeling so good. He said he had been real nauseous. I sat by him and took a hold of his hand. He said "now I can rest". I told him I would stay with him all day...and I did.

He had a busy day. They put him in a chair around 11:30 while waiting for his lunch. About 12:30 Shelby and Stephanie came by with their kids and Chris. They visited for a minute or two and then we left him and went to the cafeteria and had lunch. I didn't come back until about 2:15 and he was still in his chair...being bathed. he was exhausted. While I was gone, Pres. Terry came by to visit. They talked about the Bishopric being replaced.

January 15, 2007

A whole new adventure. He's finally on his way to rehab. Several people in the hospital talked with us about the Rehabilitation area. He was not going to be able to stay in the center at LDS Hospital unless he could keep up with certain requirements. We really wanted him to be able to stay in the hospital unless there was a relapse...he would be right there. Everyone there assured him that he would be ok, but he was very nervous about the transition. It was another move. It seemed like just when we were getting used to an area and the nurses, procedures, etc., he would be moved. The nurses on the 6th floor all hated to see him go. He was their favorite. He had been an excellent patient. For those of you reading this who knew him well, which is probably most of you, that may be hard to believe. Gordon, a good patient? He really was...he was always polite to the nurses and let them do whatever was necessary without creating a problem...and for the most part, the nurses were very good to him.

Rehab was definitely a different scene... Nice people, but different focus. He seemed to do well. They really wore him out, but it was good. I think he finally felt like he was making some headway. The doctors in Rehab decided he should go home much earlier than we had expected. He was only in there two weeks. I was so frightened to bring him home...so afraid I couldn't take care of him properly. The diabetic training was scary and we only received it two days before they were going to release him. I had to remember so many things and I was so afraid I'd put him in a diabetic coma! But, off we went......

February 3, 2007

He was coming home. He hadn't been home for 75 very long days (not that I was counting). When we pulled up, so many people we loved were there to welcome him home. Judy S., Judy B., Dad, Bob, Bob Craig. They were standing in the driveway laden with balloons and flowers. It was so touching. The Bobs helped him get inside. He was overwhelmed and exhausted. I had taken his chair to an upholsterer to get it re stuffed. it was going to be his surprise when he got home from the hospital. Little did I know it would be 75 days before he could enjoy it! We got him in the house and sat him in his chair, protecting him as best we could from Abby & Bailey, who were beside themselves and couldn't lick him enough. I was wondering if he would have a face left! He loved it all, but was so tired that it wasn't long before we put him to bed.

The next big hurdle was getting his meds all set up for the week ($400 worth) and making sure we got his shots on time. It took me a day or two, but I finally got the hang of it...testing his blood sugar and giving him his insulin.

I stayed home all week and took care of him. It was a full time job, but we did it together. He had three ladies that came to check on him often. Nancy was the nurse, Nan was the physical therapist and Janet was the occupational therapist. They were all wonderful, but we both had a soft spot for Nan. She was a young, darling girl with the sweetest personality. She seemed to know how to encourage Gord to do what she needed him to do. I will never forget the day she walked him all the way to Mahers house (only two houses away), but we were all thrilled that he made it that far. Seeing him walk back down the street with Nan was bittersweet. He was progressing and I was proud that he made it that far, but he was so thin and still looked so sick to me. He would get nauseous and have headaches, but the doctor seemed to feel he was on the mend. He would get so frustrated with things not moving along fast enough. He was counting the days for Tami to get here!

The next Sunday was Ward Conference and he had told me he would like to try to go. I was very surprised because I didn't think he was up to it. I kept asking him if he was sure and he said, let's just try it. So, we got him dressed and in the car (which was no small feat) and off we went to Sacrament meeting. We were just a few minutes late and walked in after they had begun. All eyes turned to Gordon. Since he was in his wheelchair we just sat at the back so he wouldn't have to get into a seat. It came time for them to sustain the officers of the Ward. They acknowledged the High Priest Group Leaders and he started to stand. I looked at him and told him he didn't need to, but with all the determination and desire in the world, he got himself to his feet to acknowledge that he was there and accepted his responsibilities. I have never been so proud. He received so many well wishes, smiles, hugs. Everyone was so happy to see him at church, but again, he was spent. We got him home and back to bed, but it was a much needed excursion for him.

February 14, 2007

A couple of days before Valentine's Day, I thought maybe he'd like to go for a little ride, get outside and see some sunshine so we rode up to Kaysville to Judy's store, The Copper Frog. He walked inside and sat in a chair while I looked around a bit. While he was there, my niece Jodi was talking to him and "plotting" a Valentine for me.

On Valentine's Day, our last one together, he gave me a beautiful little antigue box with a silver bracelet inside. The charm was a heart made out of silverware. It was beautiful and I recognized it from the store. Jodi had wrapped it up for him and driven it down so I wouldn't know about it.

It was the most special thing I ever received. The fact that while he was still so ill, he took the time to think of Valentine's Day and me made me love him even more. We have spent 35 Valentine's Days together, some probably better than others, but at the end of the day we always knew that we loved each other...and it was that love that kept us going those 35 years through good times and bad (and there were plenty of both). He will always be my sweetheart.